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06-Oct-1978
Dear Cecil:
I've been looking at bulldogs for longer than I care to remember, but damn if I can see
how they're supposed to look like bulls. To me, they've always resembled decaying
watermelons. What's the connection? And speaking of animals (deft segue, huh?), whence
comes the expression "crocodile tears"? From crocodiles, no doubt, but a little
elaboration would be appreciated. --Mike K., Los Angeles
Dear Mike:
Bulldogs, the world's ugliest canines, are the products of centuries of selective
breeding. The name doesn't come from any actual resemblance to a bull, but refers instead
to the bulldogs' sacred mission in life--they were bred specifically to attack and maim
bulls, of all things, and were used in a popular spectator sport of the Middle Ages, known
as "bull-baiting." The dog's assignment was to sink his teeth as far into the
bull's nose as he could and hold on. The bull would counter by attempting to disembowel
the dog. All of this was considered a real hoot at the time. The fourteenth century, we
should remember, did not have the benefit of Charlie's Angels or Masterpiece
Theater. The winning dog was the one who managed to hold on the longest. The owners of
the dogs, naturally, would pay a slight service charge to the bull's manager to cover wear
and tear.
Just as we now scientifically breed basketball players, the sportsmen of the Middle Ages
bred their dogs to conform to the requirements of the game. Short, squat dogs were favored
because they were harder to tackle than the more willowy breeds. The bull owners, for
their part, preferred dogs with short teeth, so the bull's snout wouldn't suffer excessive
damage. But the real triumph of the bulldog lay in the design of the head. Ordinary dogs
had a problem: the bull's nose would swell when bitten, often to the point where the
ballooning flesh would block the dog's nostrils-- and when you're choking, it's hard to
maintain a grip on an irritated bull. The bulldog's nose, though, is turned up and set
back a bit from the teeth, affording plenty of breathing space between the jaws and the
expanding bull snout.
As for "crocodile tears," crocodiles, it seems, actually do cry, not because of
their sensitive natures but in order to lubricate their food. The tears run from the eyes
down into the mouth and throat, softening the fragments of Great White Hunter or whatever
and helping them down the chute. The tears, naturally enough, were often confused with
shows of emotion in the first accounts of the animals to reach England. Sir John
Mandeville writes, "In many places of Inde are many crocodiles--that is, a manner of
long serpent. These serpents slay men and eat them weeping." Another writer, Edward
Topsell, passes along a more cynical intepretation: "There are not many brute beasts
that can weep, but such is the nature of the crocodile that, to get a man within his
danger, he will sob, sigh, and weep as though he were in extremity, but suddenly he
destroyeth him." It was Topsell's version that was adapted by Shakespeare, Spenser,
and other poets as a metaphor for an insincere show of feeling, and through that route the
expression entered common currency.
Topsell, we note parenthetically, continues with some helpful advice on how to avoid
unwanted crocodile confrontations: "Some have written that the crocodile runneth away
from a man if he wink with his left eye and look steadfastly upon him with his right eye;
but if this be true, it is not attributed to the virtue of the right eye, but only to the
rareness of sight which is conspicuous to the serpent from one." Got that?
(For an update on this column, click here.)
--CECIL ADAMS
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