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12-Mar-1982
Dear Cecil:
Since you get into answering kinky questions, I think you'll have
lots of fun with this one. I was watching the Tomorrow show when
they were doing a report on S&M and the following questions
occurred to me:
(1) Are S&M and bondage the same thing? Can the two
expressions be used interchangeably?
(2) Where did S&M in its
present structured and rather ritualistic form evolve from?
(3)
What is the origin of bondage gear?
(4) Is there any significance
behind the black and silver color of bondage and S&M apparel?
(5)
Are there certain basic pieces of gear (a starter set, so to speak)
that practitioners are expected to own?
(6) What is this I hear
about wearing certain objects or articles of clothing in a certain
way that is supposed to indicate being into S&M? If you answer
fully, I'll whip you in gratitude. --Aileen C., Baltimore
Dear Aileen:
I swear, half the people in Baltimore must be bent. I have notes
here from residents of that city who want to know (among other
things) how to get a job as a gigolo, the world's record for
ejaculation volume, and who invented fellatio. Journalism school doesn't
adequately prepare you to cover these topics. However, I have learned a great
deal on the job.
Let's start by defining our terms. Sadomasochism (S&M) in general
means any sexual encounter in which someone inflicts pain and/or
humiliation on a (usually willing) partner. Often these episodes
are quite ritualized, involving a "master" punishing a disobedient
"slave." The ritual aspect is sometimes referred to as discipline.
Bondage simply means the use of restraining devices (handcuffs,
ropes, shackles, harnesses) during sex. It has S&M overtones but
need not involve pain. S&M and bondage, therefore, are not
interchangeable terms, although the two do tend to go hand in hand.
Fetishism is a dependence on a substance (leather, rubber), object
(lingerie, dirty socks), or nonsexual body part (commonly the feet)
to trigger sexual arousal. A male bondage enthusiast who has made
a genuine fetish out of his sex toys will not be able to get an
erection without them.
Flagellism or flagellation is dependence on whipping or caning to achieve sexual
release. A dominatrix is a woman, often a prostitute, who
specializes in disciplining men.
Deciding what is and isn't S&M can be a pretty arbitrary business.
A certain amount of pain is common in many sexual relationships,
but the distinction usually drawn is that "ordinary" pain is mild
and mutual (each partner gives as good as he/she gets) whereas S&M
pain is all one way (although it should be noted that switching
roles between one encounter and the next is commonplace).
But even this distinction doesn't always hold up. For instance, the
delicate art of fisting (forcing the fist into the
anus) has
become so widespread among gays in the last twenty years or so that
many no longer consider it S&M, although many straights would no
doubt think otherwise.
Then we have "water sports," involving
urine, and "scat," involving feces. Neither is particularly
painful, although they can involve a fair amount of humiliation.
Designation of equipment can be similarly arbitrary. Most
traditional S&M and bondage gear is made of black leather and
chrome steel, whose color and feel denote menace and brute force--
the sensual juxtaposed with the mechanical. .
On the other hand, there's a whole other category of haberdashery
made out of black latex (bras, corsets, briefs, etc.) that is not
normally associated with S&M or bondage but some of which clearly
has application in that line--hoods and gags, for instance. (I'm
told, in case you're wondering, that the kick in latex is that you
sweat into it. Different strokes for different folks, eh?)
S&M has been around for thousands of years; the Roman historian
Tacitus is said to have made reference to it, and I suppose most of
the basic gear involved traces back about as far. But many props
are of fairly recent origin, notably motorcycle paraphernalia. You
can also get something called a "Vietnamese basket" to hang your
partner from the ceiling with--one of many legacies of
the late war.
In addition, many of the rituals, particularly the fantasies
indulged in by heterosexuals, are inspired by relatively recent
events. "Prisoner and concentration camp guard" is unfailingly
popular. In Victorian England there grew up an elaborate ritual
involving "governesses" who disciplined erring "students" with the
birch rods then in general use in the public schools.
There's no such thing as an S&M or bondage "starter set," as you
put it, but you can probably get going with a leather belt and some
elementary restraining device, such as a rope. Gays tend to go in
for fairly utilitarian items like cock rings, penis leashes,
dildos, flails, and whatnot. Heterosexual couples are often wont to
add elaborate costumery--for instance, the well-known
kitten-with-a-whip number, complete with stiletto heels.
You can get various gimmicks to attach to or pierce the nipples,
labia, penis, or scrotum, from which you can then hang weights.
There's also a speculum-like device for manipulating the anus. Some
people invest in full-scale--how shall I say--"arenas," complete
with stocks, rack, whipping post, and pulleys in the ceiling.
There are certain items you can wear to tip people off to your
sexual preference, but for the most part they're only useful if
you're gay. For instance, there was (or there was at one time) an
almost comically elaborate handkerchief code, which you used to
find printed up and posted in gay hangouts and sex shops.
Hanky in
the left back pocket signified a dominant, the right pocket a
submissive. Yellow means you're into water sports (get it?), red
means fisting, green means you expect payment, and so on. Keys
and at one time earrings serve(d) a similar purpose. I'm told that
in L.A. if you show up with a teddy bear it means you want to be
cuddled. To each his own.
Heterosexuals have no such codes, and finding partners can be a
real chore, with ads in swingers' publications and notices on sex
shop bulletin boards perhaps the commonest methods. In some
cities--the big three for this kind of thing are New York, San
Francisco and Los Angeles--there are clubs that cater to various
specialties, but in most towns you're on your own. Dominant women are particularly difficult to find and a submissive male whose
wife or girlfriend won't cooperate usually has to avail himself of
the services of a professional. (Not necessarily a prostitute in the usual sense--a
professional "domme" I
heard from says skilled dommes do not allow the guy any sexual release during a session.)
Up to a point I suppose we can regard certain aspects of this as
good clean fun. Simple bondage, for the most part, is harmless, and
many whips create more noise than pain.
But there are obvious
dangers. Piercing of the skin carries a substantial risk of
hepatitis or AIDS, particularly for gays with multiple partners. During anal manipulation you can rupture the intestine, tear
the sphincter muscle, or, if nothing else, lose something inside,
which means an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
And let's face it, when we get into knives, lighted
cigarettes, and permanent mutilation we're getting positively
pathological. A fair number of people get killed every year because
they pick up some random hustler or because they try some
strangulation stunt with a rope.
The trick is finding a partner who
knows when to quit. Personally, Aileen, I'm into whipped cream and
wrestling, but if it's leather that does it for you, bring on that whip. Just
don't expect me to take it lying down.
--CECIL ADAMS
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