|
|
Home Page | Message Boards | News | Archive | Ask Cecil | Books | Buy Stuff | Cecil Who? ]
Dear Cecil:
Many years ago--34 to be exact--I was a young man of 20
going with a girl with whom I had, by the standards of the 50s, a
passionate relationship. That meant we necked a lot in parked cars.
One night as we were kissing, I noticed that my chewing gum, which
I had had in my mouth for some time, suddenly disintegrated into
many tiny pieces. I was forced to spit them out since all
cohesiveness was gone. In the weeks that followed I noted the
recurrence of this phenomenon several times, always while similarly
engaged. I later broke up with this girl and I don't remember if it
ever happened with successor girlfriends. Maybe I stopped chewing
gum while kissing, I don't know.
Several years ago, I read an
article in Playboy in which the author described how the
same thing had happened to him as a young man. He wrote about the
incident as if it had been a phenomenon exclusive to himself, but
I knew exactly what he had experienced. My guess is that
"disintegrating gum syndrome" is probably caused by a hormonal
change in my saliva stemming from sexual arousal. I wonder (a) if
Cecil has ever heard of this and if so, (b) does he know the cause,
and (c) how common is it? --J.M., Bedford, Texas
Dear J.:
Cecil's
natural reaction, on receiving letters of this kind, is to assume
that the writer is nuts. Cecil assumes this because nine times out
of ten the writer IS nuts. Remind me to show you the one
about the cows and the barbed wire someday. However, vaguely
recalling having seen something similar once, I rummaged through
the files and came upon the following dusty missive from M.W. of
Chicago: "An acquaintance of mine recently told me that if a
person chews gum while engaging in sex, the gum will dissolve in
the chewer's mouth due to some extraordinary secretion of
...," etc.
Needless to say, anytime you get the same question
twice from different parts of the country, you have to figure
something is up. (Or else the Teeming Millions are conspiring
against you, a possibility Cecil refuses to even consider.) Not
that I was necessarily eager to do anything about it. It took two
years and countless heartfelt pleas before I caved in and answered
the one about why asparagus imparts a funny smell to your--well,
you remember. Right now I am holding out against a phalanx of
maniacs demanding to know about "piss shiver," a mystery that for
now I am content to leave unplumbed.
Still, there are some questions
that cry out for an answer. Having conducted an informal survey, I
would say that the incidence of disintegrating gum syndrome is
blessedly low. However, J.M., not that I want to point any fingers,
this is probably because most people do not chew gum while making
out. (Incidentally, if I might ask, what kind of desperate bimbo
were you going out with who not only let you chew gum and spit out
the pieces while smooching, but put up with a repeat
performance?)
Being devotees of the scientific method, Mrs. Adams
and I next retired to the laboratory for a round of experiments.
She helped herself to a wad of Big League Chew (she's always been
a little butch), while I chose Wrigley's Doublemint--hoping, of
course, to double my pleasure. We thereupon commenced a rigorous
program of research. I am not at liberty to disclose the details of
this, owing to considerations of marital harmony; suffice it to say
we were thorough. End result: not a godblessit thing (apart from
the usual). I am totally bummed. Obviously we lack, how do you say,
chemistry. (In our defense, I must say that chewing gum during a
clinch puts a distinct damper on your ardor. You Texans are made of
stronger stuff.)
In the interest of
thoroughness, I have also made a few discreet inquiries, all to no
avail. Disintegrating gum syndrome, it appears, is a phenomenon
unknown to science. (During sex, that is. I've heard some claim
they've had chewing gum disintegrate on them because of some
mysterious property of their tooth fillings.) I am thus obliged to
throw the matter up to the Teeming Millions, ever willing to give
their all in the pursuit of knowledge. Reports from the field are
now being gratefully accepted. An anxious world awaits the
results.
NOTES FROM THE FIELD, PART ONE
Dear Cecil:
The enigmatic
enzyme that dissolves gum might occur in chocolate. When I was a
child, my Double Bubble gum would disintegrate if I ate M&Ms at the
same time. I trust you will continue to pursue this matter.
--S.M., Seattle, Washington
Dear Cecil:
I experienced disintegrating gum
syndrome about three weeks ago. I was watching the movie No
Way Out and my Carefree Sugarless Spearmint disintegrated in
my mouth near the end of the film. Regarding hormones, I know that
I was turned on by Kevin Costner, but I never made the connection
before now. I will experiment some more with this phenomenon and
keep you posted. --L.O., Washington, D.C.
Dear Cecil:
I too have
experienced the disintegrating chewing gum phenomenon. Heat or
direct sunlight will cause the required results. The preferred
method is to place the pack of gum on the dashboard of your car on
a reasonably sunny day (you may have to experiment to maximize the
loss of cohesiveness/time ratio). Then when the gum is chewed it
will quickly devolve into a mass not unlike a spitball or a
particularly rotten oyster. This can occur without any foreign
saliva or increased hormonal activity. --Joe M., Bethesda,
Maryland
Dear Cecil:
The first gum that ever disintegrated in my mouth
was Adams Black Jack. Never could figure out why, except that I
chew gum a long time. Black Jack didn't lose its flavor quickly, so
you could chew it for days on end. Eventually it disintegrated,
though. Then last year they brought Black Jack back after a long
absence. I noticed that certain changes in my mental outlook,
chiefly nervousness and anger, seem to change my saliva and cause
the gum to disintegrate sooner. I don't chew gum during sex (the
fact that a stick of gum lasts for many days make give you a clue
to the extent of my sex life), so I can't help much there. --Jim
B., Janesville, Wisconsin
Dear Cecil:
It always happens to me at
concerts. Maybe it's adrenalin. --A.B., Rockford,
Illinois
Dear Cecil:
Your column reminded me of a story my mother
told me about her grandmother, a great practical joker, who told
her that if she put butter on her chewing gum, she would be in for
a treat. She tried it and her gum disintegrated! After reading
this, I thought about the composition of lipstick. I don't know
exactly what's in it, but I suspect it may have compounds similar
to butter and be responsible for the disintegrating gum. --B.J.,
Chicago; similarly from Ralph B., Evanston, Illinois
Dear Cecil:
This
occurs with me but not during foreplay. After several minutes of
chewing while on an exercise bike the gum often disintegrates. I
think excessive chewing in any kind of hyperactive state may induce
DGS. --David D., Santa Monica, California
Dear David:
Cecil has
dutifully spent the last hour chewing a stick of Juicy Fruit and
then applying a generous dab of Estee Lauder Terracotta Tile
Re-Nutriv Lipstick. (To the gum, that is, not me. There are limits
to the amount of embarrassment I am going to endure for this job.
Also, if I might ask, what kind of a name is "Terracotta Tile"
for a lipstick?) Then I recommenced chewing. Result: a queasy
sensation in the stomach, otherwise zilch. Tonight we try lipstick
plus exercise bike and M&Ms while reading about nuclear war (to
induce nervousness). Per aspera ad astra.
NOTES
FROM THE FIELD, PART TWO
Dear Cecil:
Cecil, 1,100 lashes for your
non-answer to J.M.'s question about disintegrating gum syndrome.
The mundane truth is that gum disintegration is caused by
carbohydrate digestion. Saliva contains an enzyme called ptyalin
that breaks down the branched polysaccharides of the carbohydrates
into oligosaccharides. In other words, if you hold thoroughly
masticated gum in your mouth long enough without chewing it, the
saliva begins digesting the gum's carbohydrate linkages. Presto,
the gum disintegrates! Physiology solves another enigma. --D.M.A.,
San Antonio, Texas
Dear Cecil:
It's a sad day when I, a lowly member of
the Teeming Millions, must pen (word process?) a missive to Cecil
Adams to inform him of the facts of science, but a man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do. The disintegration of chewing gum while
exercising, eating butter or other food, kissing, or engaging in
more expressive demonstrations of love or lust is not in the least
mysterious. Nor is there any need to invent exotic digestive
hormones.
Given time, the enzymes in ordinary saliva at body
temperature will cause chewing gum to break down. However, the oral
cavity is rarely at body temperature, since it's cooled by the
passage of air during breathing. (That's why you put the
thermometer under your tongue and keep your mouth closed when
checking for fever.) In addition, chewing tends to knock the
enzymes loose from the gum before they can do their stuff. So the
gum retains its elasticity.
But certain conditions can hasten
digestion. Experiment: Leave gum on your dashboard while parking on
a hot summer day with the windows rolled up. Start to chew the hot
gum and it will immediately begin to fall apart.
Experiment: Chew
gum while drinking warm (body temperature) coffee. The gum will
start to fall apart. Now breathe through your mouth. The gum will
regain its elasticity.
Experiment: Chew gum for several hours.
The gum will gradually lose its elasticity as the saliva breaks
down the gum.
Experiment: Eat just a little of something greasy
while chewing gum. The grease will interfere with the gum's
sticking to itself, allowing your saliva to attack it.
Your
correspondents must have put old gum into a corner of their mouths
or under their tongues and stopped chewing while otherwise
occupied. This results in the gum heating up while being kept close
to the salivary glands and not being chewed. No wonder it fell
apart. If you failed to cache the gum in your cheek it's clear why
you and Mrs. Adams were unable to replicate the earlier writer's
experience. Or perhaps you just don't get as heated up as much as
you used to when you were first courting. These things happen, you
know. --Phil R., Deerfield, Illinois
Dear Phil:
Sounds plausible,
Phil, but the folks at Wrigley are skeptical--they say the gum
base, while edible, isn't digestible. (That is to say, it passes
through the body without being broken down by the digestive
juices.) On the other hand, I don't know that they've had much
experience chewing the stuff for days at a stretch. At any rate,
we've done what we can to bring this phenomenon to the attention of
the world. All in a day's work here on science's cutting edge.
--CECIL ADAMS
The Straight Dope / Questions or
comments for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com
Comments regarding this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com
Copyright © 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999 Chicago Reader, Inc. All rights reserved.
No material contained in this site may be republished or reposted without express written
permission.
The Straight Dope is a registered trademark of Chicago
Reader, Inc.