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A Straight Dope Classic from Cecil's storehouse of human knowledge
11-Apr-1986
Dear Cecil:
I heard a weird radio news report a while back about some college medical researchers who
had done a study on Coca-Cola being used as a contraceptive. Can this be? The researchers
claimed that several third world countries use it and it works. Also, they did a study of
the various Cokes out on the market and found that new Coke was not as effective as old
Coke and Diet Coke was better than both. Is this true? What college did the research, and
how do you go about using Coke as a contraceptive? --Illinois Smith, Chicago
Cecil replies:
A lot of research on contraceptive techniques is done at colleges, Smitty. Some of it is
even done in the labs.
The Coke bulletin was issued by three researchers at the distinguished Harvard Medical
School, and published last November in the equally distinguished New England Journal
of Medicine, surrounded by articles on such topics as "Retinoic Acid
Embryopathy" and "Aldosterone-Receptor Deficiency in
Pseudohypoaldosteronism." It consists of a total of four paragraphs plus one table.
From these we may glean such nuggets as the following: "Postcoital douching with
household substances was a popular form of contraception at the beginning of this century,
and Coca-Cola is still said to be used in developing countries for this purpose." The
Fugs, if I remember correctly, did a song on this subject once. Great group, the Fugs.
Gave new meaning to the expression "seminal influence."
Our authors go on: "There has recently been controversy over the attributes of
old-formula ("Classic') Coke and those of "New Coke.' We therefore compared the
effect of various modern formulations of Coca-Cola on sperm motility." (Motility
basically means the sperm's swimming ability.) The results were dramatic. "All
samples of Coca-Cola markedly reduced sperm motility, whereas [a saltwater control
solution] had no spermicidal effect." Old Coke was five times as potent as new Coke,
and Diet Coke was the most potent of all, annihilating every living thing in its path.
This may give you pause next time you're tempted to chug down a frosty one.
The Harvard folks conclude, "The effectiveness of Coca-Cola as a spermicidal agent in
vaginal douching has been attributed to its acidic pH." However, since the various
types of Coke had similar acidity, some other factor must be at work to account for the
observed differences. The researchers do not speculate what this might be. I blame the
NutraSweet.
I should point out that the experiments were conducted in test tubes, rather than in vivo,
if you follow me. Postcoital contraceptive douching in general is not very effective
because the sperm travel pretty fast. Still, I suppose if you were one of today's New
Women and you woke up after a particularly rambunctious evening to find the Incredible
Hulk snoring beside you ... well, any port in a storm.
I should also underscore the preliminary nature of the study. The researchers did not test
the effectiveness of such common beverages as Mr. Pibb, Mello Yello, or Cherry-Ola Cola,
which greatly limits the usefulness of their work. You would not want to be condemned to
an unwanted pregnancy simply because of an unfortunate choice of soft drink.
Nonetheless, Harvard has opened up some interesting possibilities here. One can envision
the day when the contraceptive properties of a brand might become an integral part of its
marketing strategy, e.g.:
CONTRA-COLA
Kills Sperm by the Million on Contact
... and tastes great too!
The potential, I think, is enormous.
--CECIL ADAMS
The Straight Dope / Questions or
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