by Carnivorousplant
Monday
6:00 Cartoon Network-Clifford the Big Red
Dog thinks he is being taken to the vet for tutoring.
7:00 WCWM-Flipper: When Flipper is molested by Sandy, dolphins mysteriously
begin drowning human swimmers.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: While Spock and Dr. McCoy argue, Captain Kirk
saves the universe.
9:00 WSBT-Animal World: The Secret World of Rocks. This program is approved
by PETA
Tuesday
6:00 Learning Channel-Straight Dope: Why
is water wet; how many pins can be stuck in an angel’s head;
What’s-his-name passes gas.
7:00 FAM-The Pass The Loot Club examines Episcopalians in the military.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: While Spock and Kirk argue, Dr. McCoy saves the
universe.
9:00 WSBT-Animal World: The Secret World of Early Birds.
Wednesday
6:00 Gardening Channel-“Carnivorous
Plants”. Faced with a toothy Nepenthes bicarbonate or a philodendron
as a houseplant in the office, producers renew the series for five years.
7:00 WCWM-Little House on the Prairie: Laura steals Michael Landon’s
credit cards to buy condoms.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: While Dr. McCoy and Kirk argue, Spock saves the
universe.
9:00 WSBT-Animal World: The Secret World of Worms. Filming was tragically
cut short (see Tuesday’s episode).
Thursday
6:00 Learning Channel-Kim Komando: Overclocking
your mouse.
7:00 WCWM-Early Edition: “Marissa R.I.P.” In the final episode
of the series, Gary must decide on saving his friend from a meteor impact
or winning six billion dollars and change from Jimmy the Greek wagering on
a celestial event.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: While Spock, Kirk and Dr. McCoy argue, a giant
ice cream cone eats the universe.
Friday
6:00 Travel Channel-Exotic Vacations: Central
European tourists are eaten by Patagonian Cavies.
7:00 WCWM-Gilligan’s Island: Ginger is pregnant; The Professor builds
a nuclear reactor instead of a boat; the castaways vote out the Skipper.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: The Next Generation: Captain Picard is unable
to replicate tea and in order to respect the Prime Directive must be satisfied
with scratching himself in front of the view screen.
9:00 WSBT-The Movie Critic: Shane. We find out why Jack Palance wore two
guns but only one glove.
Saturday
6:00 WCWM-The Lone Ranger: “Snake
Bite.” In this episode, Tonto utters the immortal line “You going
to die, Kemosabe!”
7:00 WCWM-Hawaii Five-O: “Steve McGarret Says.” A pineapple company
whose favorite son is a senator buys the Police Department.
8:00 SF Channel-Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: It is discovered why Crisco shaved
his head. Worf complains about the amount of fan mail he receives; Jake dies
but no one notices.
9:00 WSBT-Hobby World: The story of “Lefty” O’Toole, a Missouri
man who collects unexploded military ordnance.
10:00 WCWM-Faces of Death: Two Pomeranians avidly devour a little old lady
on camera.