Well, the holidays are over, and it's time to start making those winter vacation plans. We really want to get away from it all this year, head some place where the Big Mac fears to tread, where there aren't any motels, or roadside reptile zoos, or souvenir stands. But every state park we've been to seems to be filled with Country Squires, camper trailers, and folks lusting to "get back to the earth." Where's the real wilderness, Cecil? The unspoiled virgin territory? Where can a person go for a little peace and quiet?
Illustration by Slug Signorino
I’d recommend rowing out to a little fun spot in the South Pacific, 48 degrees, 30 minutes south, 120 degrees, 30 minutes west. You won’t find any Big Macs there. In fact, you won’t find anything at all. You’ll be 1,660 miles from the nearest land, halfway between Pitcairn Island (of Mutiny on the Bounty fame) and Cape Dart, Antarctica–smack in the middle of the emptiest area on the face of the earth, with 8,657,000 square miles of pure, unadulterated water to enjoy. You might want to bring some cards, in case watching the waves gets a little dull. You wanted peace? You wanted quiet? Shut up and deal.
Send questions to Cecil via firstname.lastname@example.org.