What do Scotsmen wear under their kilts?
Dear Cecil:
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Cecil replies:
You'll want to sit down for this, Yvonne. Just make sure you're not sitting directly across from a kilt-clad Scot. Apparently they don't wear anything under there, or at least they're not supposed to. I know because I posted this to the Net (soc.culture.celtic) and got numerous replies such as the following: "Me wears the scotty-skirt and I can assure you that correctly there is nowt unner it, however we 20th century derivatives feel the caul a bit and so unless it's a formal occasion, I actually (NO! No! I can't admit anything . . . not in writing anyway!)"
You're thinking: so what does one weirdo prove? Nowt, I suppose, but when you hear from half a dozen weirdos you have to figure something's up. Here's another. "It is actually true. Underpants or whatever are strictly out. Which reminds me of an old story. American lady: Is anything worn under the kilt? Scotsman: No, madam. I can assure you it's all in perfect condition." Are these guys a laff riot or what?
One more. "Traditionally Scots do not wear anything under their kilts, but the shirts (known as a blouse) have a long tail that [may] be tied between the legs. There are many 'standard' answers a kilt wearer could give you when you ask them [The Question], [including] 'The Glory of God' or in the case of a female questioner, 'Would you care to look for yourself?' . . . As for what I wear under my kilt, 'I Gird my Loins with the Holy Spirit.'"
Enough already. But what about the inspections? This from Seamus: "The stories you mentioned have some basis in reality, as I have seen a swagger stick equipped with a mirror for just that purpose." I am willing--nay, eager--to believe that said swagger stick was manufactured as a joke. I mean, come on, at least gynecologists do their exams indoors.
AND NOW THIS CLOSING THOUGHT
The real question is, why do Scotsmen wear kilts at all?
Answer: Sheep can hear zippers. --John S., Birmingham, Alabama
